What’s the first thought that popped into your head?
A. Wow, where DOES he get his fearless athletic abilities?
B. You are so lucky to have a future Jackass star in the family!
C. I think you skipped a chapter in the Great Parenting Handbook.
D. Time to go all Tiger Mom and get this kid in a Pre-Olympic Training program.
E. Thank God I have daughters.
F. You call that cute? Wait til you see my kid doing aerials on rollerskates!
G. Here’s the name of my personal-injury lawyer. Just in case.
H. Pass the Xanax.
I. Know what would be even cooler? Hooking up a helmet cam on that kid!
Things that are “ANNOYING” to a busy 8-year-old boy:
• Mom’s No-Fart-Jokes-at-the-Dinner-Table rule
• Double-knotted laces when I’m trying to rip off my shoes without untying them
• Spelling rules
• Spelling tests
• Stupid pencils with no stupid erasers when I have to study for stupid spelling tests
• Big sisters who think they know everything about mythology when really only I do
• Little brothers who copy everything
• When mom says he copies just because he wants to be like me
• Sitting down to eat
• When the coolest part of the creek has stagnant water that freaks Mom out
• Learning a new video game
• Turning off a video game when I just learned how to play it LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO
• Playing chase (or anything!) with girls who make up too many rules
• Cleaning up my awesome Lego stuff on vacuum day
• When superheroes get all mushy
• Re-showering when I forget to wash my stinky parts
• Toothbrushes and flossers that are supposed to make me like brushing and flossing
• Alarm clocks
• Having to hear the “Family Plan for the Day”
• Anything that’s not awesome
• Shoes that are not flip-flops
• Any non-beige food item
• Books involving happy bunnies
• Running errands without a lightsaber or other weapon
• Having your photo taken
• Leaving the house when Mom seems rushed
• Television shows designed for 3-year-olds
• Lego sets designed for 3-year-olds
• Costumes that don’t come with a laser blaster because Mom didn’t special order it
• Shirts with collars
• Shorts with snaps
• Going into the school classroom
• Leaving the school playground
• Washing hands “when I only went pee!”
• Getting into the bath
• Getting out of the bath
• All of the Star Wars movies except “the hot lava one that I’m not allowed to watch.”
• Mom’s no-gum-til-I’m-four rule
• Catching bread when it pops out of the toaster instead of reaching in and grabbing it.
• Drawing with anything but Sharpie markers
So this happens at least a few times every day around here…
Our future Cato (“My little yellow friend, I am home!”) ducks into a shadow, waits for his prey, then pounces on some unsuspecting victim. The results? Often there are dropped bags, occasionally salty words, usually squeals of laughter. But no matter what, there is always, always a very satisfied 8-year-old boy.
* * *
Speaking of surprises…the wonderful team at Build a Sign recently gave me some great ones. Build a Sign is the parent company for websites that cover all kinds of printing needs (MagnetsOnTheCheap, BannersOnTheCheap, SignsOnTheCheap, EasyCanvasPrints). Seriously, they do it all. EasyCanvasPrints offered to send me a canvas using a photo of my choice. My piece arrived this week and looks fantastic! The site was simple to use and the canvas quality impressive. They also printed up a new batch of my favorite Tami Taylor bumper stickers…the ones I have been giving away to readers since last year. If you missed the first batch, I’d love to send you one! Go here for details. Thanks for everything, Build a Sign!