The secret to staying sane as a parent? Finding the om in omg.
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Life has been especially crazy around my house lately and most days I’m struggling mightily to find the om. In my free moments I’m sneaking away and working on a new photography project…capturing the witty and whimsical graffiti around Austin and turning it into sleek, modern works of art. Check it out at ewmcguirephoto.com!
Enough about me, let’s talk about YOU, dear readers.
Take a look at this 30-second video, then answer the question below.
If you can’t see this video, click here.
What’s the first thought that popped into your head?
A. Wow, where DOES he get his fearless athletic abilities?
B. You are so lucky to have a future Jackass star in the family!
C. I think you skipped a chapter in the Great Parenting Handbook.
D. Time to go all Tiger Mom and get this kid in a Pre-Olympic Training program.
E. Thank God I have daughters.
F. You call that cute? Wait til you see my kid doing aerials on rollerskates!
G. Here’s the name of my personal-injury lawyer. Just in case.
H. Pass the Xanax.
I. Know what would be even cooler? Hooking up a helmet cam on that kid!
January: the time to assess and reassess. To take stock. Make plans. Set goals.
I’m shaking off my holiday hibernation and am now knee-deep in all of the above. It’s energizing to look at the long list of projects I have on my horizon.
The first thing I can share with you…I’m thrilled, once again, to be co-directing Austin’s 3rd annual Listen to Your Mother show with the fabulous Wendi Aarons. We are now accepting submissions and hope you will share your stories of the good, the bad, and the ridiculous of motherhood. For details and inspiration, visit our website and YouTube channel.
Stay tuned for more good stuff in 2013!
This mother’s prayer for today:
Please never stop saying eleventeen.
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If this rings true, you might like these oldies but goodies:
Resilience and Deaf Ears.
Things that are “ANNOYING” to a busy 8-year-old boy:
• Mom’s No-Fart-Jokes-at-the-Dinner-Table rule
• Double-knotted laces when I’m trying to rip off my shoes without untying them
• Spelling rules
• Spelling tests
• Stupid pencils with no stupid erasers when I have to study for stupid spelling tests
• Big sisters who think they know everything about mythology when really only I do
• Little brothers who copy everything
• When mom says he copies just because he wants to be like me
• Sitting down to eat
• Forks
• Spoons
• Napkins
• When the coolest part of the creek has stagnant water that freaks Mom out
• Learning a new video game
• Turning off a video game when I just learned how to play it LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO
• Playing chase (or anything!) with girls who make up too many rules
• Cleaning up my awesome Lego stuff on vacuum day
• When superheroes get all mushy
• Showering
• Re-showering when I forget to wash my stinky parts
• Toothbrushes and flossers that are supposed to make me like brushing and flossing
• Socks
• Alarm clocks
• Having to hear the “Family Plan for the Day”
• Anything that’s not awesome
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If you liked this, check out Next Lesson: What is lame?
Things that are “BORING” to a saucy 3-year-old:
• Shoes that are not flip-flops
• Any non-beige food item
• Books involving happy bunnies
• Carseats
• Running errands without a lightsaber or other weapon
• Having your photo taken
• Leaving the house when Mom seems rushed
• Television shows designed for 3-year-olds
• Lego sets designed for 3-year-olds
• Costumes that don’t come with a laser blaster because Mom didn’t special order it
• Shirts with collars
• Shorts with snaps
• Going into the school classroom
• Leaving the school playground
• Washing hands “when I only went pee!”
• Getting into the bath
• Getting out of the bath
• Sleeping
• Waking
• All of the Star Wars movies except “the hot lava one that I’m not allowed to watch.”
• Mom’s no-gum-til-I’m-four rule
• Catching bread when it pops out of the toaster instead of reaching in and grabbing it.
• Drawing with anything but Sharpie markers
So this happens at least a few times every day around here…
Our future Cato (“My little yellow friend, I am home!”) ducks into a shadow, waits for his prey, then pounces on some unsuspecting victim. The results? Often there are dropped bags, occasionally salty words, usually squeals of laughter. But no matter what, there is always, always a very satisfied 8-year-old boy.
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Speaking of surprises…the wonderful team at Build a Sign recently gave me some great ones. Build a Sign is the parent company for websites that cover all kinds of printing needs (MagnetsOnTheCheap, BannersOnTheCheap, SignsOnTheCheap, EasyCanvasPrints). Seriously, they do it all. EasyCanvasPrints offered to send me a canvas using a photo of my choice. My piece arrived this week and looks fantastic! The site was simple to use and the canvas quality impressive. They also printed up a new batch of my favorite Tami Taylor bumper stickers…the ones I have been giving away to readers since last year. If you missed the first batch, I’d love to send you one! Go here for details. Thanks for everything, Build a Sign!
The twisting, two-lane road running from summertime to schooltime is littered with countless potholes and ridiculous roadside attractions.
The Valley of Cute New Alarm Clocks, which seems novel and thrilling at first, loses its luster once everyone realizes it is only open before dawn. Both the World’s Largest Pile of Paper and the Museum of Uneaten Lunches will leave you reaching for your Dramamine.
If you’ve traveled this road before you know the alllure and pitfalls of the most popular tourist traps. The PTA Mountain Range, with its promises of glory and satisfaction, sees many a climber stumble from volunteer vertigo if they don’t watch their step. The quaint Extracurricular Activity Stands with their hand-painted signs selling everything from soccer teams to scout troops…taxes might be included, but make no mistake there are hidden costs, usually in the form of snack mom or chaperone or person in charge of sewing on patches.
Be wary, travelers. This journey, it is full of sharp turns and very few straightaways.
Even getting close to home presents its own challenges. At many an intersection there is a grief-stricken child holding out his hand and begging for your attention. The clever ones make signs: “Will Work (kinda) for a Homework Pass.” “Need Just One Ride to Practice.” “Can you Spare a Video Game Privilege?” Give him a buck if you must, but then drive on, mama, drive on.
You have a destination, and I swear it’s gotta be just around the corner.
What’s not to love about a family road trip?
