Mealtime

IMG_5086 (1)So, my pals and I are doing another blog hop. Yay! You might remember the last one, where I bravely shared a photo of myself from 1992 wearing, as someone pointed out, “Mom jeans before I was even a Mom.”

This time we’re discussing The worst meal I ever cooked and served to loved ones. I feel sure my funny friends will come up with compelling and hilarious stories, but I gotta be honest with you…this is a tough topic for me. Certainly not because I do or don’t cook terrible meals. But because it’s Thursday and hello I have hardly any remaining brain capacity to think about mealtime topics. I’m simply maxed out for the week. My weekly allotted Think About Food time was spent on panicked meal planning, high-speed grocery shopping, pre-dinner interrogations, dinnertime whining, and morning cajoling. There’s precious little energy remaining to wonder how the meal ranked on my family’s Yum Scale.

I am quite confident everyone has stirred around eaten what was on their plates and that what they avoided ate was as healthy as possible. But beyond that, I couldn’t possibly tell you how it falls on their radar.

Call me callous or lazy, but this is where things stand right now in our house. We are all about simplicity nowadays. In fact, I adopted a Family Mealtime Mantra just to keep us all on the same page. Thanks to inspiration from Michael Pollan’s famous quote I’ve come up with these words to live by:

“Cook food. Not too much. Mostly edible.”

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Read more about worst meals from my talented writer friends…

Ann’s Rants
Midlife Mixtape
The Flying Chalupa
Earth Mother just means I’m dusty

It’s happening

2013.02.23.BracesTomorrow-15

Between the monkeys and the puppy, it’s a miracle I’m getting anything done around here.

But somehow, things are all coming together. This year’s Listen to Your Mother show is happening in just a couple weeks and it’s going to be fantastic. We have a very talented cast of writers and performers, ready to blow you away with their heartache and hilarity. All in the name of motherhood. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate Mother’s Day (a few days early!)

You can get to know the cast here. PLUS…you have a chance to win two free tickets to the show. Bring your best friend, your spouse, your mother…but take my advice and leave the monkeys and puppies at home.

Don’t miss out on the fun on May 9th at 7pm! Buy your tickets today!

Democracy in action

photo

So tomorrow we are bringing home the newest member of Team McGuire.
We are SO EXCITED! We have been waiting for this guy for months, this adorable yet nameless creature.

When you have five opinionated voters, selecting a name can get a little complicated. Our process was nothing if not thorough and included the following steps:

Preliminary brainstorming
* Think of favorite literary references. “You’ll never guess why, but how about Albus, Lupin or Harry?”
* Research the meanings of names. “Mom, what’s the Greek word for awesome?”
* Consider a family name. “Let’s name him after ME! At least his middle name because I’m the middle child!”
* Honor our musical tastes. “How about Charlie Hodge? We can train him to bring me my scarves and my water.”

Straw voting
During a 6-hour road trip, narrow it down to three top names then realize that the youngest voter is swayed during each vote by the sibling he likes most at that very second. (Elder statesman kicks herself for not taking advantage of this.)

Lobbying
This phase may or may not include a certain voter suggesting that, “Seriously sweetie, it’s really going to come down to our votes because the guys don’t care nearly as much as us, right? What can I do to get you on my side?”

Real world testing
Insist that the youngest and most puppy-like voter crawl on the floor barking while the others call him by potential names. “See how easy it is to say, Sit ___! with this name?” “Sure, but he wagged his tail more with the other one.”

Final decision
The final vote is cast when we see his furry face again. I’d give you a hint, but who knows how many last-minute amendments and re-votes will appear before then. Wish us luck!

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If you liked this, you may like this one about naming some unconventional pets, or these two about our other dogs, who live in our hearts and are certainly watching over us right now. One is grinning and wagging her entire butt and the other is hogging all the balls thrown his way.

Unscientific Method

2013.01.ScienceFair-1Problem:
Is it possible for parents to help their child with her first Science Fair project without having a nervous breakdown?

Hypothesis:
No. Considering the combined parental baggage of perfectionism, overly optimistic time management skills, three kids, two jobs, and various other non-optional duties such as grocery shopping and showering.

Procedure:

  • Start early!
  • Make a plan!
  • Buy adorable radish seeds and potting soil!
  • Pat yourself on the back about how relaxed you both have been and how your child is doing this TOTALLY ON HER OWN, just like she’s supposed to!
  • Realize the night before the project is due that your child types at a speed of approximately two words per minute and even though she OWNS THIS PROJECT, she must please for the love of God let me type something, anything, just tell me what to type to get this freaking show on the road.
  • Walk away and let her type.
  • Pour some tea.
  • Wait for reinforcements, who in this case is your Knight in a Shining Elvis T-shirt.
  • Cook dinner.
  • Wash dishes.
  • Make lunches.
  • Tuck siblings into bed.
  • Cross fingers.

Results:
Return to find a dining table covered in poster board, paper clippings, double-sided tape, photos, markers and charts…right alongside a beaming child.

Conclusion:
This scientist was wrong. It can absolutely be done, just not without the patience of a saint and the spirit of the King.

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Liked this? Here’s an oldie but goodie you might enjoy!

Merry signs of life

Kids Were HereAs if I needed any more reminding, our Christmas tree stands proudly in the living room bearing all the signs that kids live here.

The gaudy seahorse, who apparently hit the Black Friday sales rack at Sam Moon and couldn’t stop herself; the salt-dough gingerbread boy who is painted in nontraditional Christmas attire because its creator went through an extended blue period where no other color would suffice; and of course, the wise Yoda, who like the Magi comes cloaked in robes bearing peace and glad tidings. Happy the Holidays we hope you have!

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As always, thank you for reading and sharing this space with me.
I’ll be unplugging for the holidays, though I will likely sneak in some
periodic Instagram and Facebook posts.

Join me there or enjoy some of my favorite posts from 2012.

After the Goodbyes
Forget Me Not
Sibling Revelry
Look Again
Learning to Exhale
Get There
Voices
Singing the Blues

See you in 2013!

Elbow room

Visual proof that the road trip temporarily known as Hell on Wheels was well worth the effort once we arrived. All we had to do was give each kid his/her very own mountain.

(Click collage to enlarge.)

Happy End of Summer, y’all!!

Diving deep

If summer were one long road trip, we would have now reached the point when the kids start singing 999 Bottles of Beer on the Wall and I consider if we have enough bungie cords to hold them on the roof for at least a few minutes. It’s really just too hot for us to be in the car all together, you know?

Plenty of parents reach this point and hit the wall. They frantically start calling day camps in search of anything, anything new and fresh to entertain the troops. (Remember how you always wanted to learn more about sheep farming?)

They bribe babysitters to come home early from their exotic vacations. (Seriously, how much Europe can a 20-year-old really appreciate?)

Others join the exodus to higher ground in search of cooler weather, all the while praying that higher altitude means less oxygen, which means less insanity.

As the temperature rises and the calendar stands suspiciously still, others watch their convictions warp and melt like a CD left on the dashboard during a blistering afternoon. I am vulnerable to all these coping strategies, but this week I let my standards take the hit.

As a result, we have ruined countless meals with emergency snow cones. We have skipped the library and hit the bookstore because they have better air conditioning. We have watched a ridiculous amount of TV. We have purchased overpriced “indoor” toy weapons even though I banned these months ago. We have even considered amending the family rule that dictates No Naked Butts on the Couch because honestly, how can you argue when told it is too hot for underwear?

We are hanging in there. We will make our escape soon enough. Higher ground awaits! But for now, we are simply diving in, holding our breath and trying to keep our cool.