Taking stock

May 2013 GratitudeAs a very busy spring ends, I’m taking a breath before the season changes again.
Oh, these transitions. They require so much practical planning and emotional adjusting.

Depending on the day, I find myself either madly cramming in every last project on my hefty To Do list, or paralyzed by those jobs that simply won’t get done before summer begins.

When I find myself overwhelmed, my first urge is always to freeze time. I’m a time junkie.
Just one more second…I swear that’s all I need.

So I do. I find my camera and I freeze time. And the results become a visual gratitude journal, complete with friends, family and the wondrous, inspiring place I call home.

When words fail me, my eyes save me. Every single time.

Democracy in action

photo

So tomorrow we are bringing home the newest member of Team McGuire.
We are SO EXCITED! We have been waiting for this guy for months, this adorable yet nameless creature.

When you have five opinionated voters, selecting a name can get a little complicated. Our process was nothing if not thorough and included the following steps:

Preliminary brainstorming
* Think of favorite literary references. “You’ll never guess why, but how about Albus, Lupin or Harry?”
* Research the meanings of names. “Mom, what’s the Greek word for awesome?”
* Consider a family name. “Let’s name him after ME! At least his middle name because I’m the middle child!”
* Honor our musical tastes. “How about Charlie Hodge? We can train him to bring me my scarves and my water.”

Straw voting
During a 6-hour road trip, narrow it down to three top names then realize that the youngest voter is swayed during each vote by the sibling he likes most at that very second. (Elder statesman kicks herself for not taking advantage of this.)

Lobbying
This phase may or may not include a certain voter suggesting that, “Seriously sweetie, it’s really going to come down to our votes because the guys don’t care nearly as much as us, right? What can I do to get you on my side?”

Real world testing
Insist that the youngest and most puppy-like voter crawl on the floor barking while the others call him by potential names. “See how easy it is to say, Sit ___! with this name?” “Sure, but he wagged his tail more with the other one.”

Final decision
The final vote is cast when we see his furry face again. I’d give you a hint, but who knows how many last-minute amendments and re-votes will appear before then. Wish us luck!

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If you liked this, you may like this one about naming some unconventional pets, or these two about our other dogs, who live in our hearts and are certainly watching over us right now. One is grinning and wagging her entire butt and the other is hogging all the balls thrown his way.

Peace warrior

2013.03.06.graffiti-185

The secret to staying sane as a parent? Finding the om in omg.

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Life has been especially crazy around my house lately and most days I’m struggling mightily to find the om. In my free moments I’m sneaking away and working on a new photography project…capturing the witty and whimsical graffiti around Austin and turning it into sleek, modern works of art. Check it out at ewmcguirephoto.com!

Merry signs of life

Kids Were HereAs if I needed any more reminding, our Christmas tree stands proudly in the living room bearing all the signs that kids live here.

The gaudy seahorse, who apparently hit the Black Friday sales rack at Sam Moon and couldn’t stop herself; the salt-dough gingerbread boy who is painted in nontraditional Christmas attire because its creator went through an extended blue period where no other color would suffice; and of course, the wise Yoda, who like the Magi comes cloaked in robes bearing peace and glad tidings. Happy the Holidays we hope you have!

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As always, thank you for reading and sharing this space with me.
I’ll be unplugging for the holidays, though I will likely sneak in some
periodic Instagram and Facebook posts.

Join me there or enjoy some of my favorite posts from 2012.

After the Goodbyes
Forget Me Not
Sibling Revelry
Look Again
Learning to Exhale
Get There
Voices
Singing the Blues

See you in 2013!

See also: “totally bogus”

Things that are “ANNOYING” to a busy 8-year-old boy:

• Mom’s No-Fart-Jokes-at-the-Dinner-Table rule
• Double-knotted laces when I’m trying to rip off my shoes without untying them
• Spelling rules
• Spelling tests
• Stupid pencils with no stupid erasers when I have to study for stupid spelling tests
• Big sisters who think they know everything about mythology when really only I do
• Little brothers who copy everything
• When mom says he copies just because he wants to be like me
• Sitting down to eat
• Forks
• Spoons
• Napkins
• When the coolest part of the creek has stagnant water that freaks Mom out
• Learning a new video game
• Turning off a video game when I just learned how to play it LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO
• Playing chase (or anything!) with girls who make up too many rules
• Cleaning up my awesome Lego stuff on vacuum day
• When superheroes get all mushy
• Showering
• Re-showering when I forget to wash my stinky parts
• Toothbrushes and flossers that are supposed to make me like brushing and flossing
• Socks
• Alarm clocks
• Having to hear the “Family Plan for the Day”
• Anything that’s not awesome

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If you liked this, check out Next Lesson: What is lame?

Next lesson: What is lame?

Things that are “BORING” to a saucy 3-year-old:

• Shoes that are not flip-flops
• Any non-beige food item
• Books involving happy bunnies
• Carseats
• Running errands without a lightsaber or other weapon
• Having your photo taken
• Leaving the house when Mom seems rushed
• Television shows designed for 3-year-olds
• Lego sets designed for 3-year-olds
• Costumes that don’t come with a laser blaster because Mom didn’t special order it
• Shirts with collars
• Shorts with snaps
• Going into the school classroom
• Leaving the school playground
• Washing hands “when I only went pee!”
• Getting into the bath
• Getting out of the bath
• Sleeping
• Waking
• All of the Star Wars movies except “the hot lava one that I’m not allowed to watch.”
• Mom’s no-gum-til-I’m-four rule
• Catching bread when it pops out of the toaster instead of reaching in and grabbing it.
• Drawing with anything but Sharpie markers

Look again

What you should know about this photo:

1. This scene happens every single day around here.

2. I feel something new every time I look at it: joy, admiration, empathy, gratitude, love.
And today: jealousy.

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Like this? You might like these too. My kids have a knack for teaching me something new about mothering, focusing or injecting playfulness in an ordinary moment.

That’s stinkin’ hilarious

I have always thought I had a healthy tolerance for poop jokes. My children would beg to differ.

When the kids were first learning about the hilarity of bathroom humor, I aimed to be nonchalant, figuring they would outgrow it if we didn’t make a fuss. When the potty mouths didn’t subside, we told them bathroom jokes belonged in the bathroom, figuring they would be in there alone without an audience. Undaunted, they would stand at the bathroom threshold and sing songs about Dora the poop-explorer.

As the kids grew older, their jokes grew more colorful. Harmless, yes, but still nothing I wanted Grandma, teachers or random cashiers to hear. We needed to get tougher.

The problem was, the jokes were getting funnier, and sometimes the delivery was just too much. The kids saw through my ambivalence, as explained by the wise 5-year-old: “Being a grownup means pretending not to laugh at poop jokes.”

Oh how I get it. I totally get it.

I grew up with two brothers, which mostly says it right there. Decades later I can still recall lengthy conversations about all things scatological: the SBD, the wet fart, the ghost poop, the cannonball poop, the clean poop….I could go on and on.

I never shared a bathroom with either brother, but there were plenty of times I was invited to theirs to admire someone’s handiwork. “Sis, you have GOT to come see this turd before I flush it down!” More than I once I followed, fingers pinched to my nose, a bit curious but mostly determined to chastise them for being so disgusting and immature.

During some choice sibling battles, one brother would hold me down while the other threatened to fart in my face. I know I ratted on them hundreds of times, and I’m sure my parents chewed them out plenty, but only one punishment stands out vividly in my mind.

I was about 7 years old and my younger brother ran into my room, farted, and ran out. A drive-by shooting! I went crying to Dad. The punishment he delivered: The farter had to take a deep breath from my room, run to his own room and exhale. Repeat 10 times until the offensive air was transferred. Fair is fair.

Only after my brother ran in and out of my room 10 times did he tell me that he actually exhaled into the air vent, so that ALL the fart was now in Mom and Dad’s room! We howled with laughter, cheered his brilliance, and were once again friends and allies.

So here I am 30 years later about to put the kibosh on such hilarity and bonding? Well, yes. My daughter was already the preschooler who explained sex to her classmates, did I really want her to also be known as the Bart Simpson of elementary school?

It was with this in mind that I resolved to get tough. I had an immediate opportunity when the first-grader came home singing a lovely version of Yankee Doodle that includes the line, “Stuck his finger in his butt and called it Hershey chocolate.” In our house, that’s considered over the line.

“First of all,” I said, “you know I don’t like you using the word butt. Second, that’s just gross. Cut it out.”  Thirty minutes later she was hanging over the fence, teaching the song to our neighbors’ kids.

Ok, time to be smarter than a 7-year-old. “So you want to talk about poop?” I asked. “Ok, let’s talk about poop. Here’s a shovel, here’s a bucket. You are in charge of picking up all the dog poop.”

And because the fates of discipline were with me that day, I remembered that we had not picked up after the dogs in several days. And better yet, it rained yesterday.

There was grumbling and whining and lots of cries of “dis-GUSTING!” I have not been this proud of a parenting moment in a long time. And in return? Going on five full days of poop-free conversation. I shit you not.